Metal Gear Apartment
by Toyzferall
Summary: Question: What happens when you take random characters from MGS 1&2 and make them live together? Answer: XD
1. Chapter 1

Metal Gear Apartment  
  
Chapter 1  
  
By: Kyle Robinson, a.k.a. Toyzferall  
  
Disclaimer or whatnot: Right. I suck at these. Feh, I don't own any of the characters used in this fanfic, with the exception of generic characters. Even then, why the hell would I want to own them? Konami and Hideo Kojima and all them there people and companies own Snake and the crew. Right, whatever, just don't sue me.  
  
A/N: "Howdy! This should be my second fic. (Well, third, if you count my first, which was a horridly BAD Conker's Bad Fur day fic, which I took down. So counting this, I've got two, now.) Today, I'm gonna make characters from both MGS and MGS2 live together in a big, pretty house, with camera's all around that can see and hear their every movement! Other than allowing me to spy on Emma while she's in the shower, this lets us see how the character's react to one another, and live together. This will go in days, and things will be written in a "play script" form. Hopefully you will find this comical, even if you haven't played the games, but if you have, I pray that this will be utterly hilarious. Some of the characters in this are technically dead. But I don't care. They're cool, and I want them to be alive, dammit! [].[] Sure, it's been done before, with other games. But does it look like I care? I'm bored. VERY bored. And hopefully, this will be funny. And the whole 'shot in the ass' thing that takes place on Day 1. I half-got that from a hilarious piece of literature that was in one of my gaming magazines before. Right, read on, loyal fans. (*tch* Yeah, right.)" - Toyzferall  
DAY 1  
  
-Living Room-  
  
Snake: ::Mutters to himself after dropping a suitcase in the middle of the floor. He lights up a cig, and pops it in his mouth::  
  
Meryl: ::Walks in behind Snake, and pulls a suitcase out of her top::  
  
Raiden: ::Follows, next. He, too, carries a suitcase with him, and hasn't taken off his rebreather mask, yet::  
  
Mantis: ::Floats in, behind Raiden, a suitcase hovering in front of him. It slowly sinks to the floor, as does Mantis. He removes his trench coat, and tosses it on top of his suitcase::  
  
Raven: ::Grunting is heard from the doorway. Raven is attempting to shove his chaingun through the door, but it won't fit. So, he uses the chaingun to "widen" the doorway, then walks in. He blinks a few seconds at Mantis and Raiden:: Mantis, you've gotten even better. It looks as if there were two of you.  
  
Raiden: ::Begins to remove his rebreather mask::  
  
Raven: ::Closes his eyes:: No, do not take off your mask, Mantis. You are one ugly son of a bitch!  
  
Raiden: ::Finishes taking off his mask, and tosses it next to his suitcase:: Son of a bitch?  
  
Snake: Sorry, Raiden. Raven's, uhhhh... Not familiar with you. You DO have an uncanny resemblance to Mantis when you both wear your full costumes, though...  
  
Raiden: Full costumes?  
  
Wolf: ::Wolf enters, followed by two adult wolves with disturbingly red eyes, and a wolf pup. The pup barks::  
  
Raiden: Bark?  
  
Solidus: ::Enters, wearing a suit instead of his usual exoskeleton.::  
  
Raiden: ::Runs up and hugs Solidus:: Daddy!!! ^.^  
  
Solidus: ::Blinks, prying Raiden off:: Yes, my son. But I have something I must tell you. You were an accident.  
  
Raiden: ::Eyes tear up:: Accident?  
  
Solidus: Well, actually, no. Not really. But I don't doubt that you're a crack child.  
  
Raiden: ::Blinks, tearing up again::  
  
Liquid: ::Enters:: Brothers!  
  
Raiden: B-brothers?  
  
Snake: ::Sighs:: Look, kid, you'd better quit repeating everything everyone says.  
  
Raiden: Repeating?  
  
Ocelot: ::Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bullet collides with Raiden's ass. The source? Revolver Ocelot's revolver:: That oughta' shut him up.  
  
Raiden: ::Falls over slowly and dramatically, clutching his ass. He screams, which disturbingly echoes very loudly, multiple times::  
  
Rose: (Over Codec) Oh, no! This can't be happening! Jack!? JACK!!!  
  
Snake: ::Kicks Raiden:: Get up, kid. I've survived a shot to the ass, before. God help us if you can't.  
  
Raiden: My. Ass. Why'd you have to shoot me. In the ass.?  
  
Fox & Olga: ::Two transparent blurs drop from the ceiling. Suddenly, two cyborg ninjas appear::  
  
Snake: Do you guys HAVE to wear those?  
  
Olga: ::Pushes button on side of helmet, deactivating the visor:: Of course. Someone might try to DESECRATE me if I don't. ::Gives Snake a venomous look:: I WAS still awake. Besides, Fox is still missing his arm from when he got stepped on.  
  
Snake: ::Laughs:: Long time no see, stubby.  
  
Ocelot: ::Growls at Snake, having only one arm, himself::  
  
Fox: ::Deactivates mask, gives Snake a look, and walks over to the couch, one arm on the suit strangely still::  
  
Olga: ::Leans towards Snake, whispers:: .He's not 'all-there' is he?  
  
Snake: ::Whispers back:: Nope. He's on drugs. I saw him yell about pills once while in a bathroom and he beat his head on the ground. It made a hollow sound, I swear.  
  
Olga: ::Nods:: Ah. No wonder.  
  
Emma: ::Heads towards house from a yellow mech, looking at the Metal Gear Rex Liquid arrived in earlier:: Check out that ride!  
  
Toyz: ::Hops out of the mech as well, cursing Liquid underneath his breath:: Damn pretty boys.  
  
Emma and Toyz: ::Enter house::  
  
Toyz: ::Looks around:: Whoah. What happened to the door?  
  
Raven: ::Pats chaingun:: It would not fit. Besides, the birds did not like the door.  
  
Toyz: ::Sighs, putting a hand on his head:: I was expecting some damage to both the guests and the house, but ALREADY? Oh well. Okay. Looks like we're all here. As you know, I'm your host, Toyzferall. I organized this superspy group from hell. I myself won't be living here, but I will be checking back on you every day or so.  
  
Snake: Joy. It's not enough that they have to monitor me on Codec. I'm sure putting up with you all will be a million times harder than Shadow Moses ever was.  
  
Toyz: Oh, and some of you will have to get jobs. We're paying some of your bills, but not all of them. I'm not sure if we'll cover the door or not.  
  
Ocelot: Well shit.  
  
Raiden: .I'm not working.  
  
Meryl: Neither am I.  
  
Rose: I'm not.  
  
Mantis: .Work?  
  
Olga: ::Shakes head:: Pansies.  
  
Toyz: That's not important right now! You can decide later. I just wanted to introduce myself. Well. Try not to kill each other!  
  
Snake: ::Shifty eyes:: Not if they don't make me.  
  
Toyz: Whatever. ::Heads back out to his mech and leaves::  
  
Snake: .Yeah. Well, I'm gonna go get a drink. ::Heads into kitchen::  
  
Everyone else: ::Stares at each other for a while::  
  
Mantis: ::Suddenly giggles, looking from Emma to Liquid::  
  
Emma: .What?  
  
Liquid: Dammit Mantis, stop reading people's minds!  
  
Ocelot: ::Nods:: Probably not healthy.  
  
Snake: ::Calls from kitchen:: Where's the Mountain Dews?  
  
Emma: ::Calls back:: Stand in front of the Mountain Dew and press the X button to pick it up.  
  
Snake: ::Pokes head out of kitchen:: .Huh? C'mon, where are they?  
  
Emma: If you are having trouble picking it up, enter first-person aiming mode with the R2 button, and center the Mountain Dew in your vision, then press the X button. If you are still having trouble, consult the game manual.  
  
Snake: ::Rolls eyes: .I'll show YOU X button.  
  
END OF DAY 1  
A/N: ".So how's that for craptastic? I wrote the first half of this a LONG time ago, and then finished the other half the same day I posted it. XD I'll prolly get to working on it a lot more once MGS2: Substance is released for PS2. BTW, sorry if I got the specific buttons wrong. But I don't really care. Anyway. Reviews, please? XD Extra note: If you read this fic before I fixed it. SORRY! I didn't notice it was bunched up until I got a review. O.o;; Stupid Microsoft Word and FF.net. I SWEAR it looked fine when I wrote it!" 


	2. Chapter 2

Metal Gear Apartment  
  
Chapter 2  
  
By: Kyle Robinson, a.k.a. Toyzferall  
  
A/N: "Well. Chapter 1 was rather. Uneventful. But now I know. I can beat the system! *Maniacal laughter* Errr. Right. Sorry. It's just that MS Word and FF.net don't like each other too much, apparently. Which leads to terrible headaches of authors, such as yours truly. Anyway, if you read chapter 1 before it was fixed, I'm REALLY sorry. You might wanna go back and read it again now that it's actually intelligible. I'm honored you people actually suffered through it, though. Whatever. I'm gonna have to kill off some characters. Because I just can't think of enough situations that would actually be funny, and I've got too many characters here to decently work with. Especially in a situation like this. Sooo. Well, someone dies in this chapter. But I'd like you al to vote on who you want to die next, please. I'll consider your opinions. After all, I write for the fans! *Shrug* On with it." -Toyz  
DAY 2  
  
-Kitchen-  
  
Liquid: ::Is making a smoothie with the blender, and yawns, tired:: Mmmmm. Smoothie. Maybe I'll have a strawberry? ::Looks to Fox, who is standing near the fridge:: Hey Fox.  
  
Snake: ::Is walking into the room, talking to Raven:: .So you see, then I thought for SURE I was gonna die. ::This is said in perfect synchronization so that Liquid and Snake say "Foxdie"::  
  
Liquid: ::Suddenly keels over, falling directly on the opened blender, which in turn begins to slice him up::  
  
Everyone else in room: ::Watches, all not terribly concerned as Liquid's parts fly across the room::  
  
Raven: ::Scratches bald head:: What did you do?  
  
Snake: Uhhhhh. We said. "Foxdie?"  
  
Emma: ::Walks in, completely oblivious of Liquid's parts:: Ooooh! Smoothie! ::Drinks it, everyone cringes::  
  
Snake: ::Thinks:: Hmmm. If that worked for Liquid. ::Grins evilly, turns to door:: Hey Raiden!  
  
Raiden: ::Walks in:: Huh?  
  
Snake: Hey Raiden. ::Points at Fox:: Who's that?  
  
Raiden: Ummm. Fox?  
  
Snake: DIE!  
  
Everyone: ::Stares at Raiden, then at Snake, then at Raiden again::  
  
Snake: .Dammit.  
  
Everybody: ::Slowly leaves::  
  
Ocelot: ::Comes back a short time later, shifty eyes. Makes sure noone is looking:: Now is the time. ::He grabs Liquid's arm, and runs off, duct tape hanging out of his back pocket::  
DAY 3  
  
-Living Room-  
  
Everybody minus Ocelot: ::Sits there, staring at each other blankly like usual::  
  
Wolf: .Anybody seen Ocelot lately?  
  
Ocelot: ::As if on cue, walks in, Liquid's arm duct-taped to his stub::  
  
Everyone else: ::Stares at him::  
  
Ocelot: .What?  
  
Meryl: You. Duct-taped Liquid's arm to yours.  
  
Ocelot: Did not!  
  
Snake: Yeah you did! That's so. Crappy.  
  
Ocelot: Shut up! Duct tape solves EVERYTHING.  
  
Raven: Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, it has a dark side, and it binds universes together.  
  
Snake: Raven, shut up. You're big, but you're NOT wise.  
  
Ocelot: Y'all suck. ::Starts to walk off::  
  
Toyz: ::Walks in:: Well, hi! ::Looks at hole in wall:: You guys didn't fix the door yet, did you? Whatever. And. Ocelot, what the HELL are you doing with that?  
  
Ocelot: What? It's my arm!  
  
Toyz: ::Smacks forehead:: Whatever.  
  
Ocelot: I'm gonna take you prisoner!  
  
Toyz: .Huh? ::Is suddenly grabbed by Ocelot, who points a revolver at his head::  
  
Ocelot: ::Liquid's arm falls off, allowing Toyz to walk free, but he doesn't, due to the revolver at his head:: .Dammit! ::Picks up the arm between his stub and shoulder, drags Toyz off::  
  
Everybody: ::Stares at each other for a while::  
  
Mantis: Soooo. Who wants a smoothie?  
A/N: "Yeeeah. Well, I wanted to just get out another chapter, and I know this one was craptastic and short. Sorry about that. I REALLY hope I'll be more inspired on the next one." -Toyz 


End file.
